Locus

"December 19, 2081. Making this recording as an anniversary present to myself, in case I forget who I am again. My name is Tatsuya Ren; once upon a time, I was a senior analyst for Renraku Computer Systems. Now, I'm a freak with brain problems, so keep that in mind."

"I was born in Osaka, not that long ago, honestly, on the great scheme of things. Mom and dad were Renraku analysts, working for Iris in R&D. Mom did enough work on the side that baby Ren got a full SIN - they were so proud when I got my graduated from Seoul Security Academy and got my first job at the crown jewel of Renraku North America. The Self-Contained Industrial-Residential Environment."

He pauses for a long time. "Living in the SCIRE was like finally living in the future. It's the life the megas promise wageslaves to keep them going. Renraku still uses promotional material from it in their trids - logos scrubbed, obviously. Luxury, family, friends, smiling faces, rewarding work. All those tree-humping eco-terrorists, the penny-pinching execs complaining about cost overruns, they didn't understand. We worked miracles there. It was really like AEP knew what you wanted, what you needed." His eyes harden, two chips of sapphire in the incandescent lamp hanging overhead. "Funny, now, in hindsight."

"Deus's lockdown - his pet freaks and their robot army - they started with us, naturally, the security. The ones they could use, they tranqed, hauled to the labs, and wired up. The ones they couldn't, they killed, or stuck in those fucking zombie rooms. That might have been easier."

"I...don't remember much after they shot me in the ass with that Narcojet, not anymore. 'Diffuse cortical trauma from emergency cybersurgery', Cian tells me. Like the mother of all concussions. I remember the emotions, mostly - pain, terror, fury, ecstasy. And Deus, always there. Sometimes that old man in the black robe. Sometimes an angel, wings of fire, perfect physical specimen. Sometimes the tree, horizon to horizon, blocking out the sun, filling the sky with rainbows. A broken kaleidoscope." He shivers. "Two years of my life, just like that. Just me and him."

"Memory starts coming back after they finally dumped him from the SCIRE, though. Not sure how long it took after Huang or whoever geeked Deus the first time, but the first thing I remember seeing was a gun. The second thing I saw were my hands." He holds up his arm to the light, revealing a burly cyberarm. Panels are missing, and a few wires are exposed - clearly not in good repair. "I looked like this. Academy set me up with a 'jack, a little bio, a little headware - obviously the security forces of the future can't come out of a fucking horror trid." He pauses, then shrugs. "Deus felt otherwise. If he felt anything."

"So, two years after the lockdown, Deus's sim feed cuts out. I come back feeling like I've been drowning in acid, holding a shotgun, fire, corpses - corpses everywhere. After that, the first of many blackouts." He pauses, then waves his hands in a broad arc. "Don't know how I managed it feeling like that, but I pulled myself into an elevator shaft - one of those little nooks they stuck in for IntEleGence to park cabins - must have waited it out a bit. Still got a little hideout here, my own slice of paradise. Brought a microwave in, even." He chuckles, a sound like a rusty nail getting pried out of a board.

"Eventually, the Guard found me, dragged me out with them in with the rest of the refugees right as the withdrawal really kicked in. Threw me in a Faraday cage, took out the PAB rig and the killswitch. Not actually that difficult - I was almost catatonic, they told me. Good thing I wasn't one of those-" he holds his finger up to his datajack and and taps it meaningfully, the servos clicking softly. "If I had one of those chips plugged in, I would have fought to the death for that fucking tree. Renraku probably thinks I did." He pauses his monologue briefly. "Getting his roots ripped out of my head, they definitely left me with a little damage - nothing I can't handle, but I keep a record of everything I do, now, just in case."

"I got the story from them after that. Can't go back to Renraku anymore, not like this, not after that. Not after what they fucking did." He reaches out to the ashtray sitting on the seat of a metal folding chair, retrieving a cheap cigar. "So. Spent some time, got used to my new body. Seems like I was supposed to be a forward security unit - counter-infil, flanking and irregular engagements, assassination. Charming work. Made it easy for me to break out after the surgery; didn't even blow that many stitches."

"Made my way to a little hidey-hole I had set up before the drek hit the fan. Smartest decision I ever made, there, by the way - remember that one, keep more safehouses. Nix, take a note," He mutters to himself as he fixes his eyes on the space directly in front of him for a couple seconds. "Had an emergency 'stick, a fake SIN, autodoc, some food. I found a few ways to keep myself going while they put the world back together. Focused on anything else, managed to stay sane without slotting a chip. Hardest thing I've ever done." He stares at a point directly above the camera for a few seconds. "I still dream about him, sometimes. I hate those nights." He stares for a few more seconds before doggedly continuing.

"That took me a couple years. Just surviving. Figuring out how to live without Big R holding my hand." He waggles his eyebrows to the camera. "Then, eventually, the Crash. Disaster. Death, chaos, apocalypse. But for me, it was one more thing. Deus was dead. I was free. Finally." He blasts a cloud of smoke into the air, hovering in the poorly ventilated room like a ghost.

"After that, things got a lot better. Even got a bit of work - the boys in the nice suits with the slick hair and the tats, they don't ask too many questions as long as you get the job done and keep your mouth shut after." He pauses, then sighs. "But it didn't last. When they lit up the new Grids, well...so did I. Felt like someone put a bullet between my eyes, but it kept going, over and over." He winces, crows-feet tracking across his face like scars. "Hadn't felt like that since I woke up. It's like living in a thunderstorm - all you can hear is noise, all you can see is light, and if you stand up too tall, you're going to get fried. All I could think was: why? Why me? What the fuck? Was this another one of Deus's fucking experiments, fucking with me a decade later? Or was it just a big karmic thumb up my ass?"

Another long pause. "I couldn't handle it. I shut it out, pretended it didn't happen - most toasterfuckers, they don't look like me. Pretended I was just a regular consumer-grade freak, instead of one of them, those fuckers that destroyed the world. Destroyed my life." His face tightens again, then relaxes.

"Managed that for a few years, but it got hard, too hard. Thought about burning it out once and for all, but never got the guts to do it. Or the money." He sighs again, but the tone has gone from resentful to almost wistful. "Eventually, though...Probe found me. Don't know who told him about me - maybe nobody. That's sort of how he works, yeah? He hates isolated systems, and if there's one thing I was going for, it was 'isolation'. I heard a little bit about what talking with your totem is like from Cian - he's always been a good guy, as long as you keep it brief. Felt a little like that, I think. Persona just looked like some Dickens street waif, but when he sent me a message, it felt like someone had dropped a boulder on my back. Couldn't say no to him, not after I looked into his eyes."

"Together, we - I - well, I finally looked at the Resonance. What I was afraid of." He stares into space above the camera. "It was...like nothing else. I thought it was Deus, but Deus was nothing - a tiny little sapling in a forest that goes on and on, forever and ever. I was an idiot, and never realized. Stupid. God, I was so stupid." He sits in silence for a long time.

Eventually, he leans forward, closing his hands firmly on either side of the folding chair. "So now I'm back in. I'm going to get back what Deus stole from me. I talked to Tyler; he and his boys got some real work lined up for me, a little more my speed. I'm going to get back my body, my mind, and my Resonance, and no one is getting in my way - not Renraku, not the feds, not any of Deus's leftover freaks."

"Picked a street name for myself. Locus. The middle of the web, the center of everything. It's got a nice ring to it, I think, yeah? Try to remember it, Ren. Locus."

He reaches out with his hand, then stops it halfway. He stares at the camera for a long second, brow furrowing. The feed stops.